28th February, 2002.
More Cow-orker database
disasters. It's become increasingly clear that her database skills begin and
end with designing garishly-coloured menu screens. I didn't *think* that asking
her not to bugger up the data entry was such a big thing, but I'm being proven
time and again that I'm obviously expecting too much. What is wrong with her
brain? Why is it so hard for her to understand how to check whether reference
data exists before adding a second, badly-spelt copy of those records?
I've spoken to her about
the database problems, because that's something quantifiable where I can point
out what's wrong and what's right. Her personal conduct is another problem
entirely, because I find it much harder to tell someone they're like a cheesegrater
of the soul when they're apparently driven by stupidity rather than malice.
It would feel kind of like tipping cripples out of wheelchairs.
And while I was fixing
those errors, I discovered that when I was on holiday last year she supplied
materials to an organisation that isn't part of ours, and isn't eligible for
purchasing through the same discount schemes we use. I don't know how many
laws or contracts this broke, but I think I'm going to have to put this away
in the Too Ugly To Contemplate file and pretend I never saw it.
Yes, for the thousandth
time, YES! We only give them the first item in the set, because they don't
need the second one. Just like the hundred previous times we've produced one
of these exact same sets for people!!!
And stop telling me
about the kind of shows your damn kid watches! I don't give a rat's what kind
of video popcorn your Spawn and your deadbeat husband watch when they're
sitting around the house all day! No, I don't find it disturbing that
Bob the Builder talks to his vehicles - they talk back to him, don't they,
and it makes as much sense as Bananas in fricking Pajamas!!!
Get the hell away
from me and leave me alone before I'm forced to use lethal force!!!!!
Oh, God, but this is
going to be a long day... I picked such a bad week to quit junk food.
And stop giving me
a running commentary on everything you do as you're doing it! I can see
you're getting up from your desk, I can see you're walking over to
the other side of the room away from your phone! I have EYES, damnit!
AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
It's been suggested that
I use headphones and loud music to combat the Cow-orker's stream of semi-consciousness
gibberings. This has some merit - headphones and the right kind of music have
worked in the past. There was an employee here last year who was sitting at
ground zero, and after the first day or so he just brought in his MP3 player
loaded up with heavy/death metal tracks. The downside was that he couldn't
hear anyone else, either, but after he had her trained to stop talking at
him incessantly he didn't need to play the music anymore - wearing the headphones
was enough.
Sadly headphones aren't
really an option for me, because my phone rings so frequently I'd be forever
taking them on and off. I'm doomed.
It's quiet. Too quiet.
The theme from Jaws
begins...
"That email you
just forwarded to me verbatim? Who did it come from?"
Where's Robert Shaw
when you need him?
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